Robert Pattison the New Tracy Chapman?

Like the rest of the known universe I have read and watched Twilight by Stephanie Meyers. And so now I proudly wear my "I heart boys who sparkle" pin where ever I go. But frankly I have different reasons for that. I unlike the rest of the known universe have not fallen in love with these books. I work at a bleeding library, if I didn't read them I was probably going to get a stake right through the ol' ticker. I heart boys who sparkle because I have the attention span of a goldfish and if I see something sparkly you know I am going to go after it and if that sparkly thing is a dude, well, I just won the jackpot. So after eventually reading the first book, I went with a bunch of co-workers to see the movie. Little did I know that Robbie wrote some of the music for the movie. So eventually again I found out which songs those were. Lo and behold, they were the songs I assumed were Tracy Chapman while watching the movie. I actually did think to myself while in the theater "Wow this director really likes Tracy Chapman". What a freaking mind blow. It's like seeing that kid sing Never Gonna Give You Up. Well I guess Tracy can either get worried or get smart. She could freak out and pray her career doesn't get snatched up by this tiger beat dream boat, or she could get smart and use sparkly Rob to fill in for her when she isn't feeling well. People loved Robert Downy Jr in Tropic Thunder with all that black face. Just step it up a notch and have Robert impersonate a black woman, Tracy Chapman. It's genius! But yes, I am not saying to go listen to his music to support him or anything, just listen and make the same realization I did and just freak out your brain.

Glam Rock Squid

I have a great love for the ocean and the creatures the reside within it. I have been obsessed with Watasenia scintillans: Firefly Squid, for quite some time now. Anything that glows or sparkles or has interchangeable colors automatically attracts me. Because really I am a fish just looking for a lure.Cephalopods in general fascinate me and so this is the first of many bloggities that I will write to profess my love for such glamorous animals.

I start with the firefly squid, or as I call them the Glam Rock Squid because they have been an inspiration in writing my first picture book. It is along the lines of Alice and Wonderland in the sense that a little girl wanders off from her family and meets a lil' critter who beckons her to follow and get herself into danger but all the while having the adventure of her lifetime which may be much shorter than expected.

The Glam Rock Squid make an appearance in this story as a glum defeated shoal of squid who are technically Watasenia scintillans that because of their appearance have formed a Glam Rock band called The Spotted Losses. This all came about because not only do I love glam rock squid but I also love glam rock music. So for me, instantly after seeing Watasenia scintillans in action blinking and sparkling in the deep blue I thought to myself, if there was any animal in the world that could truly appreciate glam rock it's these squid. They have got the look down pat, all they need to do is work on the sound and with having so many tentacles it would be no problem, the drummer would have a 27 piece set and would make the craziest, sickest, wackidoo sounds like nobody has ever heard, and double neck guitars are for pussies, try quadruple. Plus costuming would be a breeze because they already look fabulous, but perhaps a touch of Brian Eno feathers and some Ziggy Stardust makeup and you have the recipe for the greatest band to ever exist.
Just remember it was me who thought of it first, so if anyone gets a band together you best be giving me some credit for the brilliant idea.

Illustration by Nathan Ernst http://www.nathanernstart.com/

Sandra Day O'Connor

I have this fantasy of Sandra Day O'Connor, it's in no way dirty, but I am sure many a man has fantasized about nasty ol' Sandra Day. What a cougar! Rar! No my fantasy is like a b-rated horror film where Sandra Day is 60 feet tall and has the body of Godzilla and she comes out of the sea like a kraken from the deep awaken by modern day civilization and being waken up when you are still tired will make anyone cranky but because she is this huge beast monster she is super pissy and so she starts stomping through New York City, because lets face it, that is the only place to attack if you want to be cool and make your business known. So she is stomping around screeching at the top of her Godzilla like lungs and knocking over buildings. The whole nine yards and everyone is screaming and running for their lives, but then one of senate members who is on vacation with his family in NY see's Sandra Day tearing up the place and asserting her power on the lowly people and he rubs his chin because that's what you do when you're thinking hard about something and so he decided to get her into the Supreme Court. Liven things up, get some new blood in, it be good publicity because not only is she a woman, but she is 60 feet tall and has a lizard body. He feels they can get some real work accomplished with a woman like that and as he is thinking all this, the military is finally taking some action and getting their helicopters all equipped with serious artillery but the Senate member rushes over and reveals a plan to get the beast to stop killing massive amounts of people....And the rest as they say is history.